


oh my god they were roommates

by winryrockbae



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bisexual Katsuki Yuuri, College Student Katsuki Yuuri, Detroit, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Katsuki Yuuri is a Brat, Katsuki Yuuri is a Good Friend, Let's see what happens, M/M, Oblivious Heartbreaker Katsuki Yuuri, Phichit Chulanont Is a Good Friend, Phichit Chulanont is a Little Shit, Podium Family, Skater Phichit Chulanont, Skater Victor Nikiforov, Underage Drinking, Victor Nikiforov is Extra, and situations that are totally made up, but not in a bad way just in a college way!!, college house parties, i don't know whats happening next this is a wild ride for everyone, no beta we die like men, russian skaters, some oc's scattered in as yuuri and phi's college friends, this will be a mix of things that are inspired by my own reckless college days, yuuri katsuki is actually a party animal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:35:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28686468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winryrockbae/pseuds/winryrockbae
Summary: Yuuri hummed in agreement, half listening but mostly focused on scanning the airport signs for directions. He could sense danger. There was a reason he hadn’t left Victor and Phichit alone and that was because of the pure amount of chaos they would be sure to cause without proper supervision. Already they were feeding off one another’s energies, both of them pretty much dragging him in the wrong direction until he corrected them with a nudge.“Hey Yuuri.” The tone of Phichit’s voice had sent a chill through Yuuri. He knew that tone. And he knew that nothing good would follow. “Do you remember the mimosa guy?”OR: Phichit comes to visit Russia and he has plenty of stories to tell, much to Yuuri's chagrin.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont & Katsuki Yuuri, Phichit Chulanont & Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 25
Kudos: 132





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been toying with this idea for a while, I don't have any set plotline or anything but I've always felt like Yuuri and Phichit got into a little more trouble than the show let on, so we're just gonna... create that content here.

“Phichit!” 

“Yuuri!” 

The two former roommates ran at each other in the airport, sneakers squeaking on the tiles and Victor couldn’t help but think it was similar to how lovers ran to each other in those sappy romantic comedies that he had recently learned that he loved. A few other travelers grumbled, steering their bags clear of the hugging men as Victor reached them. A gloved hand rested atop two heads of black hair before two sets of dark eyes looked up at him, one behind glasses and the other cat-lined. It wasn’t often that he felt much taller than Yuuri, but with the two others bent over one another in a hug he felt like a near giant. 

“Victor!” Phichit was delighted, breaking free of Yuuri to throw his arms around Victor as well. Truthfully, Victor hadn’t been expecting a hug. He and Phichit were friends by association, he hadn’t spent much time with the Thai man without Yuuri. So the hug was a nice surprise. 

“Hello, Phichit!” Victor’s previous thought, the idea that they should head to the luggage claim, was forgotten in his own excitement as he matched the younger’s energy. “We’re excited you’re here!” 

Phichit had looped an arm through each of the happy couple’s, his carry-on backpack bouncing as Yuuri steered them all towards the baggage claim. They chittered happily, Phichit going on about the man on his flight that sat next to him. “He had sleep apnea or _something_! He would randomly stop breathing and I had to slap him on the chest to make sure he was alive like five times. I don’t think I slept a wink.” 

“You must be pretty tired then.” Victor observed, neatly swerving out of the way of a mother with a stroller. 

“Of course I’m not. I’m in Russia for the first time as a tourist! I have so much to see!” 

Victor lit up. “And we have so much to show you, don’t we Yuuri!” 

Yuuri hummed in agreement, half listening but mostly focused on scanning the airport signs for directions. He could sense danger. There was a reason he hadn’t left Victor and Phichit alone and that was because of the pure amount of chaos they would be sure to cause without proper supervision. Already they were feeding off one another’s energies, both of them pretty much dragging him in the wrong direction until he corrected them with a nudge. 

“Hey Yuuri.” The tone of Phichit’s voice had sent a chill through Yuuri. He knew that tone. And he knew that nothing good would follow. “Do you remember the mimosa guy?” 

“Phi..” Yuuri started as a warning, but Victor was already wide eyed and encouraging the story to be told. 

▲▽▲

**_Detroit Airport, 2014_ **

“They just delayed my fight again.” Yuuri groaned into his phone, stopping at one of those weird airport restaurants that were essentially a row of seats and a bar in the middle of the hallway. A grand piano was positioned next to it, though at 8am they didn’t have anyone playing. The bartender seemed to have just arrived and Yuuri slid into a corner seat, offering the man a shy smile before turning his back to the bar to watch the other travelers. “If I had known it would get pushed back 3 times I would have come this morning and not the middle of the night last night.” The irritation seeped into his voice as he glared at the tiny Phichit on his screen. It wasn’t his roommate’s fault, but he needed someone to bitch to. 

“Hey, it’s not that bad!” Phichit reasoned, which for him, it wasn’t. He was currently snuggled up in bed after having dropped Yuuri off around 2am. The night had worked out perfectly for him. He got home, napped for a couple hours and then managed to write half of the paper he’d been putting off before he texted Yuuri to see if he had wifi on the flight. The resulting facetime instantly alerted him to a problem. “Look! There’s a bar behind you. Get a drink, have some breakfast.” 

“A drink? At 8am?” 

“You’ve been awake since before two this morning, it’s basically noon.” Phichit smirked into his duvet. “And there’s that song. You know the one by that American guy. It’s twelve o’clock somewhere…” 

“I’m hanging up before your bad influence starts showing.”

“Get a mimosa.”

“I’m not getting a mimosa.” Yuuri hissed. 

“They’re a breakfast drink. Hey! Bartender. Hook my friend up with a mim-” 

Yuuri ended the call as the bartender looked over at him with a quirked brow. Yuuri cleared his throat. “Can I have a menu please?” 

“Sure thing. Do you want that mimosa that your friend was advising? I don’t mean to brag but I make a pretty good one.” 

Yuuri opened his mouth to refuse, then considered it. He had been stuck in the airport for hours, his nerves were frayed and maybe a drink would help. “Uh, sure. Just one. Thanks.” He turned back to the menu and silently cursed himself for sitting down at what was potentially the most bougie place in the damn airport. The piano should have tipped him off. There was only small appetizers, meat and cheese boards or other things that he honestly couldn’t decipher and didn’t want to embarrass himself by asking. “I’ll have uh- the traveler’s appetizer plate too, please.” 

“Sure thing.” The bartender placed a champagne flute in front of Yuuri, the drink orange and garnished with a fresh strawberry. Yuuri, despite his attempts to not look like a basic bitch, raised his phone and snapped a pic before sending it to Phichit. 

**> > To Phi 🍑:** [image of mimosa] 

**> > To Phi 🍑:** happy? 

**< < To Yuuri 🐩:** chug it. 

Yuuri didn’t grace his roommate with another response, though he did eye the drink for a moment and consider it. Instead he took a small sip and licked his lips, the champagne and orange juice combination was refreshing - exactly what he needed. He sat there alone for some time, the bartender would occasionally comment on something on the tv and Yuuri would agree but they mostly seemed content to keep to themselves. 

“Need a refill?” A man had slid into the seat to Yuuri’s right so quietly that his voice startled the skater. 

“Uh, um - what?” Yuuri blinked behind his glasses, sure he looked like a deer in the headlights. 

The man seemed to be giddy with excitement, bubbling over into a wide grin. “I’ve been travelling for work for a month, I have one more flight then I get to see my wife and kids. I’m celebrating. Hey, excuse me,” he called to the bartender, who Yuuri realized was named Ted, “can we get two of whatever he was drinking?” 

“Oh, I’m not really drink-” Yuuri started, but stopped. He still had some prosciutto left and a drink would probably be for the best, it was salty. “Thank you.” 

“My wife kept the kids out of school today so they could all pick me up from the airport.” His barmate was already showing Yuuri pictures of his family on his phone, His family was adorable, two daughters and a young son who was being held up by his pretty blonde mother and Yuuri nodded. “They don’t know it’s me, she told them it’s a teacher meeting day. We’re going to take them to an amusement park.” 

“That’s nice,” Yuuri offered. He wasn’t great at conversing with strangers, but this guy was doing most of the talking so all Yuuri had to do was nod and keep looking at the pictures. 

“I’m Mark, by the way.” 

“Yuuri.” 

“Nice to meet you, Yuuri. And thanks for celebrating with me. It’s always better to have a drink with someone else, don’t you agree?” 

One more mimosa each turned into two, then three and Yuuri felt his tongue loosen up. “I don’t have any kids, but this is my dog.” He pulled his own phone out, a picture of Vicchan up on the screen and Mark made a delighted noise. “How cute! My kids have been asking for a dog, but with me traveling so much and my wife at home with the three of them, it just doesn’t make sense to add anything else to her plate.”

“Yeah, that’s the responsible thing to do. Maybe you’ll be able to get one soon, if you stop traveling for work.” Yuuri shrugged, texting Phichit once more. 

**> > To Phi 🍑 :** [image of four empty mimosa glasses, strawberry leaves in the bottom of each]

 **< < To Yuuri 🐩:** yuuri!!

 **< < To Yuuri 🐩:** you animal

 **< < To Yuuri 🐩:** dude that has to cost a fortune you’re in the AIRPORT

 **< < To Yuuri 🐩:** don’t get too drunk and miss your flight

 **< < To Yuuri 🐩:** yuuri!!!!!!!111!!!!!

“One more?” Mark gestured at Ted, who whipped up the drinks in record time. The bill was placed down at the same time as the last drink, Mark signed it without even glancing at the total as he tossed down a forty dollar tip. He must have a really good job. “Yuuri, where are you headed?” 

“A competition.” 

“Oh? Are you competing or watching?” 

“I’m a competitive figure skater.” 

“Oh wow! One of my daughters loves figure skating, here, sign this!” Mark pulled a notepad from his laptop bag, pushing it across the bar. If Yuuri hadn’t been four mimosas deep, the thought of someone getting his autograph and not recognizing it would have sent him into a spiral. Instead he shrugged and scrawled his name as well as printed it in english and hiragana. “Someday when you’re famous we’ll watch your competition and I can tell my kids I got drunk with you in an airport.” Mark clapped Yuuri on the back and laughed, the both of them pink cheeked and jolly. 

“Yeah, yeah. Someday.” Yuuri agreed, some small part of his mind surprised at the ease with which he assumed he’d be famous. 

The overhead speakers sounded and the flight times on the board to their right flickered, Mark listening closely. “Ah, the flight to Buffalo! That’s me.” He stood and with impressive skill and speed, downed the rest of his drink. “Yuuri, it was a pleasure. Thanks for keeping me company. Safe travels and good luck!” 

“Uh, yeah you too! Have fun in the amusement park.” Yuuri called after him before turning back to his final drink. Ted was watching him and Yuuri resisted the urge to roll his eyes. It didn’t matter if he was drunk. He wasn’t driving the damn plane. 

He glanced at his phone, there was no alert for his flight yet so he had a little more time. He had just bitten into the strawberry, decidedly going to enjoy this last drink instead of chugging it like Mark had, when his phone flashed and he felt his stomach sink. “Hey, uh, Ted,” Yuuri cleared his throat. “My flight got changed, where is Gate B?” 

Ted seemed to feel for him, brows knitting as he pointed to the other side of the airport. “Somewhere down there. I only work here so I don’t really know the layout that well. It might even be in another building, there is one that is connected by shuttle.” 

“Fuck.” Yuuri jumped to his feet, took a step, then knocked back the three quarters of drink that was left. “Thanks!” 

He took off running, cursing whoever decided to make his flight board in 15 minutes after changing it to the other side of the flipping place. He reached an escalator, trying to blink the double vision away. Five mimosas was not his friend right now. He called up Phichit, huffing into the phone. 

“Phi-” 

“Why are you breathing so heavy? Are you getting fucked in the airport bathroom? Yuuri that’s so dirty!!” 

“What? No! I’m running. My flight got changed. I can’t find the gate. Help me.” 

“What? Yuuri. Oh my-,” Phichit’s words broke off in a string of unintelligible Thai. Yuuri could faintly hear him adjusting then the telltale click of laptop keys. “Where are you?” 

“Uhh, by Gate..” 

“Any time now.” 

“Gate G.” 

“Okay, great.” Phichit clicked a little more, silently thanking modern technology for the ability to pull up an airport map like it was a mall. “Keep going straight then at the end of this hallway get on the escalator and go… up!” 

“Got it.” Yuuri panted into the phone, rushed apologies to those he brushed up against in the terminal. He was luckily light enough on his feet to dodge anything other than light shoulder brushes with others. “Then what?” He had paused on the escalator, stuck behind a mother and her small daughter, who he was sure would not appreciate being bowled over. 

“Alright, in the middle of this hallway there is a shuttle, get on it. It’ll bring you to Gate A. Then once you’re there just go straight. At the end of that hallway is Gate B and you’ll have to go left or right depending on your gate number. What’s the number?” 

“23.” Yuuri just barely managed to slip into the shuttle, his bag knocking against a cat carrier and causing it’s inhabitant to hiss loudly. The sound startled him, his hand splaying against the wall behind him as he jumped back. His vision was swimming, fucking Mark. Being all happy to see his kids and shit. This was ridiculous. 

“It’s the last one on the right.” Phichit was stifling giggles now and Yuuri nearly growled into the phone. It was not funny. He didn’t mean to have five drinks. They just… went down so easy. He had a hard time finding his feet on the shuttle, wedging himself between the end of the seats and the door, hand gripping the rail as he made sure his bag was secure behind his knees. 

“This shuttle is taking forever.” Yuuri groaned. 

Phichit laughed then, earning a reluctant grin from the older. “I feel like you’re a spy and I’m the guy that tells you were to go to avoid the enemies.” 

“That’s the most boring spy movie ever.” Yuuri deadpanned, jigging in place when the doors opened. Another mother and a child. Why were there so many kids in his way today? He swerved around them, darting to the end of the hallway and skidding to a stop in front of his gate, hands on his knees as he gulped down air. 

“We are now boarding for Flight 432 out of Detroit.” The announcement rang out right over his head as he caught his breath, the pit of anxiety in his stomach uncoiling as he got in line. 

“Fu-,” he gulped down a little more air. “I made it. Thanks. Phichit. I owe you one.” 

“I’ll add it to your list of IOUs.” Phichit assured him as Yuuri hung up with a quick goodbye, managing to board the flight and find his seat without issue. 

When the plane touched down, he sent Phichit a single text. 

**> > To Phi 🍑:** no more mimosas. 

▲▽▲

“Yuuri says he passed out on the flight as soon as he sat down. I guess the lady sitting next to him put his seatbelt on for him because she didn’t want him to get in trouble.” Phichit told Victor with a giggle as he pulled his luggage off the conveyor. “But he made it in one piece thanks to me being an amazing guide.” 

“You’re ignoring that it was your fault to begin with because the bartender heard you screaming about mimosas.” Yuuri was flushed pink and despite how funny the situation was now, it had been terrifying at the time. He couldn’t help but laugh along at his friends overeager storytelling or smile at his fiancé's amusement. The group made their way to the parking lot, still chuckling softly.

“Oh, Yuuri. That’s so adorable.” Victor cooed, lips finding their way to Yuuri’s cheek before they all clambered into the car and Victor started out of the parking lot. 

“I woke up when the plane landed smelling like oranges and regret.” Yuuri couldn’t help the slight downturn of his lips as Victor laughed again. Victor’s reaction had graciously fed into Phichit’s story time and Yuuri knew he was in trouble. Phichit had far worse stories than mimosa guy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phichit and Yuuri go to a college party. Yuuri is dedicated to the cause (the cause being avoiding a boy).

The drive from the airport to the apartment was short, but even still Yuuri was anxious to get back. They could drop Phichit’s stuff, Victor would take Makka for a quick walk and then they had reservations for a late lunch at their favorite local restaurant. 

“Yuuuuuri.” Phichit leaned between the two front seats, palms resting on the center console. 

“You should be wearing a seatbelt,” Yuuri said. Phichit ignored him. 

“Stop twitching your leg.” 

“Stop watching me twitch my leg.” 

“Then stop twitching it.” 

“I’ll twitch it more.” 

Their light teasing, the banter was something that Yuuri had so desperately missed. Being with Phichit seemed to bring out his more relaxed side, the one that Victor had so desperately been trying to pull out. He had mostly succeeded, but there were some things that took the help of a best friend. 

“Yuuri.” Victor grinned, resting his hand on Yuuri’s thigh to cease the twitching. “You’re distracting the driver.” 

“You’re going to get us all killed.” Phichit threw a hand over his forehead dramatically and if Yuuri had been in any position to twist around he would have flicked his friend’s cheek. “Hey, look at that guy jogging over there. He’s in _shorts_. Isn’t it like…. super cold here?” Phichit shivered. 

Yuuri laced his fingers with Victor’s. “He needs to do less.” 

“Do less!” 

“Do… less?” Victor asked, glancing at Phichit in the rearview.

Yuuri already knew that the story was coming before Phichit began, so he cut him off. “We’re almost home.” 

“I’ll tell you about ‘do less’ when we get inside.” Phichit assured Victor with a friendly hand on the shoulder, while grinning broadly at Yuuri. 

The rest of the ride passed pleasantly, Yuuri and Victor pointed out several landmarks and Phichit celebrated his arrival in Russia with some selfies and some attempts at pictures through the car windows. Victor’s brows furrowing when he reached their apartment. “Yuuri, did you lock the door?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

“It’s unlocked.” 

“Why would it-”

“Finally you idiots showed up. I’ve been sitting here for hours.” The answer to Yuuri’s interrupted question sat on their couch, cheetah print socks kicked up on the living room table. Yuuri’s Nintendo Switch was discarded onto the couch, the game paused. Yuuri could picture the younger, leaning forward with his tongue between his teeth in concentration, green eyes fixed on the screen as he slammed his thumbs down on the buttons. Potya sprawled over the back of the couch. It seemed as though he was planning to stay the night. 

“We’ve been gone less than an hour.” Yuuri corrected him, kicking off his shoes. 

“Yurio!” Phichit greeted cheerily from where he was currently being mobbed by Makkachin, who was ecstatic to have a new face in the house. 

“Stop calling me by that stupid name,” Yuri snapped, before turning back to his game. 

“Phichit, I can show you the guest room while Victor takes Makka out.” 

“I already took her out.” Yuri grumbled from the couch. Three pairs of inquisitive eyes landed on him and he flushed as Yuuri and Phichit re-emerged, bagless. “She was crying at the door being super annoying.” 

“Well thank you, Yura.” Victor flopped onto the couch next to Yuri and slung an arm around his shoulders. Yuri shugged weakly, but didn’t flinch away from the contact. Later he would argue that he didn’t want Victor’s arm to fly up and hit Potya. “Now, Phichit. We can hear the ‘do less’ story.” 

“Right!” 

“Oh no,” Yuuri groaned.

▲▽▲

**_Detroit, 2013_ **

“I don’t want to go.” Yuuri grumbled from under his pile of blankets. There was at least four of them, not to mention the clothes he hadn’t put away after doing laundry, making him appear like a gremlin, only a set of bespectacled eyes peering out. 

“You’ve been antisocial for long enough.” Phichit hardly paused in brushing some gold glitter over his eyelids. “You already showered, all you have to do is get dressed, let me put some makeup on you, pregame a couple shots and then you’re good to go! Besides,” he turned and fluttered his lashes, “you wouldn’t want me to go alone, would you?” 

Now that was a low blow, a final K.O. for Yuuri. They both knew that when Phichit pulled the guilt card, it always worked. “Fine. Fine. But only for an hour.” 

“The hour starts when we walk in the door, not when we leave the apartment.” Phichit countered, pointing one finger at the pile of fabric where his friend was currently engulfed. 

Silence as the pile shifted. “Fine.” 

“Great! Now come out of there and put on some skinny jeans.” 

Half an hour later both boys were dressed and ready to go, Phichit had taken enough selfies of the two of them to sate him for the time being as he poured them each three shots of cheap, apple flavored vodka. 

“Three?” 

“We have to walk there, we’ll burn some off.” 

“I’m pretty sure this will burn my taste buds off.” 

“Yeah, you’re welcome.” 

“That’s not what I meant.” 

“Whatever. One, two, three.” 

The tapped their shot glasses on the table once, clinked them together, tapped the bottom on the table once more before knocking them back. 

“Ah, fuck,” Yuuri came up sputtering. 

“The first one is always the worst.” Phichit had tears gathering in the corners of his own eyes, though both boys were feeling pleasantly warmed. 

The next two shots went down easier as they wrapped their arms around themselves and stepped out into the Michigan autumn. The wind was brisk, but they had learned a while ago that bringing jackets to parties only ended in one of two ways. One, the jacket was destroyed. Or two, it was lost and then somehow there would be some freshman spotted wearing it weeks later. 

They hear the party before they see it, all loud music and blaring lights- the owners of the house (affectionately dubbed Blue House by the students) were upperclassmen and truthfully, the cops didn’t bother with the upperclassmen houses. There was a rumor that one of the girls was fucking the chief of police, but no one could confirm or deny it. The fact that the cops left them alone seemed to be enough confirmation for the entire campus. 

“She’s a true champion, that girl.” Phichit offered a salute as they walked, earning a chuckle from Yuuri. “Have you seen the man? She’s taking one for the team. The MVP of campus.” 

“Phichit!” A girl squealed as they walked up, hanging out a second story window as her friends held her back by her belt loops. 

“Hey!” Phichit waved and Yuuri already felt out of place. Phichit was the social butterfly, not him. But, as he looked up and saw a group of guys hitting a gravity bong on the roof, he determined that no, he would not want to leave his best friend alone here. 

“There’s jell-o shots in the kitchen! Tell Hitomi that I sent you two in.” The girl blew a sloppy kiss at them and laughed in delight as one of the guys stuck a joint in her cleavage. 

“Thanks, Autumn!” Phichit grabbed Yuuri’s hand and dragged him in, perhaps he sensed that Yuuri was about to flee like a spooked deer. He introduced Yuuri to several people, who surprisingly enough assured Yuuri that they knew him. “I told you, you’re popular.” An eye roll accompanied his words, maybe now Yuuri would start to believe him. “People think you’re nice. And sexy.” 

“Phi!” Yuuri gasped. 

“It’s true. Hey, Hitomiiiiiiii!” Phichit pulled Yuuri up next to them, their hips bumping against the counter. “Autumn said you have something yummy for us.” And he batted his eyes. 

“Where is she?” Hitomi retrieved a tupperware of ten or so shots from the fridge with a note on it that said _Phichit + Yuuri_ _♡,_ then slid it across the table. 

Phichit wasted no time tearing it open and shoving a shot into Yuuri’s hand. “Hanging out the upstairs window.” Yuuri was well versed in the art of jell-o shots and he ran his pinky around the cup, loosening it’s contents. Phichit was moving in sync with him as they sucked down their first shot. Lime. It was good. _Strong_. 

“These girls don’t fuck around.” Yuuri coughed a bit and Phichit patted him on the back. 

“That stupid bitch, she’s going to fall out and then who’s gonna have to deal with it? Me.” Hitomi snatched up her drink and stomped around the table, clearly off to retrieve her renegade roommate. “She’s killing my vibe!” 

“How did you meet these girls?” Yuuri was already helping himself to a second jell-o shot, his entire frame bouncing with the music that shook the entire building. 

“You did. Remember? We came to a party here before and you showed them how to pole dance. They ask about you a lot, but I told them without your liquid courage you’re pretty shy. Autumn and Hitomi are also in my art elective.” 

“I… vaguely remember that,” Yuuri admitted. His second shot was orange. Tart. 

“Anyway, we can help ourselves to the liquor. They know I can’t buy any and your pole dancing lesson hooked their other roommate a new boyfriend, so they say they’re in our debt.” 

“Lucky us.” Yuuri felt himself loosening up, watching as Phichit turned into a madman with the liquor bottles. The house was filling up fast and Yuuri sucked down jell-o shot after jell-o shot to curb the anxiety that threatened to curl up in his belly if he thought about how many people were around him. “What are you making?” 

“Jungle juice. Here.” 

“That’s disgusting,” Yuuri took a sip and scrunched his nose.

“It’s the only drink you’ll need all night. One and done.” Phichit assured him, putting the bottles away under the sink. 

“Hey, cutie.” 

It was clear by the look on Phichit’s face that he didn’t know the man that had sidled up next to him. A lanky fellow with curly brown hair that was stuck to his forehead with sweat. He had a joint behind his ear and his breath reeked of pot, but Phichit greeted him anyway, against Yuuri mouthing _‘no!’_ over sweaty forehead’s shoulder. “I’m Phichit, this is my roommate Yuuri.” Phichit sipped at his drink, eyeing the other cautiously. “You don’t go here.” It was said as a statement, not a question. 

“Nah, you’re right! I’m visiting my friends. But they don’t have a futon in their room. I was hoping I could bunk with you.” Sweaty forehead slung an arm over Phichit’s shoulder. Phichit shrugged it off. 

“No.” 

“Why not?” 

“I have a boyfriend.” 

“Ah. I see.” Sweaty forehead, who still hadn’t given a name despite his clearly intimate intentions, turned to Yuuri then. “How about you?” 

Yuuri choked on his jungle juice, lips curling into an amused smile as he prepared to laugh. He was joking, right? He had to be. Yuuri had just witnessed him hit on Phichit in front of him. But sweaty forehead looked serious and Yuuri shot Phichit a look. “Uh,” he hesitated. _Shit fuck_. Phichit had already taken the good lie. In Yuuri’s pleasantly buzzed mind, he couldn’t rationalize that both him and Phichit would have a boyfriend. That was just… so unrealistic. Sweaty forehead would know that he was lying. And that would be awkward. ”I have to pee.” Yuuri grabbed Phichit by the front of his shirt and dragged the smaller man to the bathroom, planning to wait sweaty forehead out. 

“I’ll wait for you guys!” 

Okay. So that plan wouldn’t work. Yuuri put his drink down on the edge of the tub and cursed under his breath in japanese while he fumbled with the zipper on his skinny jeans, clearly upset that he was breaking the seal this early. Phichit reapplied his lip gloss while Yuuri peed, laughing about sweaty forehead. 

“Hey, I’m gonna go out the window.” 

“Did he really think that he could just- what?” Phichit blinked. 

“Yeah, I’m just gonna, climb out this window. So he can’t find me.” Yuuri pushed the window open as far as it would go then punched the screen out. The loud music of the party was enough that the metal screen falling to the ground went unnoticed. “Hold my drink for me.” Yuuri stuck one leg out the window, limb dangling down as Phichit fumbled for his phone to record Yuuri’s dedication to the swerve. “And this is your fault, Phichit. You took the good lie.” He bent himself in half and eased his head and torso out, hands gripping the ledge as he dragged his final leg out of the window. Luckily they were on the first floor, so the drop was only about five feet and Yuuri hit the ground with all the grace a shitfaced dancer could manage. “Okay, I’m gonna go in the front door. Bring me the rest of my drink!” 

“Yuuri, this is almost empty.” He slid the window closed and dissolved into giggles, gathering himself before opening the bathroom door. Phichit, for all his selfie taking and blackmail photo snapshots, wished he had the foresight to record when he stepped back out into the party and sweaty forehead was there waiting for Yuuri - who had seemingly disappeared. “Looking for someone?” An innocent tilt of the head. 

“Uh, no. No.” Sweaty forehead stepped into the bathroom, peering into the tub before walking out and blinking several times. 

Phichit wandered towards the front of the house, doubling over in laughter when he found Yuuri arm in arm with Autumn and Hitomi, the three of them swaying as if there was hardly a solid leg between the three of them. “Phichit! you found us!” Yuuri accepted the rest of his drink and swallowed it down, carelessly tossing the plastic cup in the direction of the sink. “Here, try this.” 

A mason jar of an amber liquid with a single, sad, cinnamon stick floating in it was shoved under Phichit’s nose. He took a cautious sniff before taking a sip, coughing as he resurfaced. “What is that?” He was sure that his breath could now start a fire. 

“Apple pie moonshine!” 

And that was the last thing either of them remembered until the next morning when they woke up, curled around each other in Autumn's bed. Autumn and Hitomi were in the other bed, still wearing what looked like their dresses from last night. A quick peek under the fluffy blanket covering him had Yuuri sighing in relief. It appeared he had lost his shirt, but kept his pants on. That was a win. 

"Yuuri." Phichit's voice was groggy, slurred as he slapped a hand against the window. "Look at that asshole out there, jogging." 

Yuuri leaned over and peered out the window at the jogger, recognizing him as one of the guys who had brought the moonshine in. "Overachiever." 

Phichit struggled to free his other arm from the tangle of blankets before he flung the window open and pressed his face against the screen as he shouted at the man who was obviously doing so much better than they were. "Hey! You were there last night. Do less!"

▲▽▲

"And after, we just started saying 'do less' to things that seemed like a lot of effort or would turn into trouble." Phichit concluded his story, bowing in his seat like a true master of the craft. 

"Do less." Yuri repeated with a snicker, clearly fond of the new phrase. They might have just created a monster. Actually, scratch that. They definitely had. 

"What is moonshine?" Victor questioned, almost regretting it when Yuuri and Phichit's faces paled slightly. 

“It's an illegal alcohol in the states, super strong. The girls' other roommate’s boyfriend was an army guy that was stationed in South Carolina, so he brought back pick up trucks full of moonshine all the time. We drank the stuff for a while after that.” Phichit explained, shuddering at the memory.

"Yuuri! You drank that?" Victor sounded appalled, if not a little impressed. 

“It probably shaved years off of our lives,” Yuuri said. 

“It’s still burning me.” 

“I woke up the next morning with a bruise on my right leg from my ankle to the middle of my thigh,” Yuuri sighed. “Apparently it got caught on the way out the window. I didn’t feel anything at the time.” 

“I still can't believe you climbed out a window. I would have never expected that from you, Katsudon.” Yuri laughed. It was hard for him to see Yuuri as anything other than an anxious, mother hen type of person. Yuuri couldn’t help but notice that Yuri was looking at him in a new light, one that didn’t seem all _that_ bad. Of course, he would have preferred to be a good role model for the younger boy, but Yuri thinking he was… sort of cool wouldn’t be so bad either. “Do you still have the video?” Yuri asked Phichit eagerly. 

Phichit, the demon that he was, already had it pulled up. In the frame was a younger Yuuri Katsuki, slurring his words as he sat with one leg in the bathroom and one dangling out the window, the sounds of a college party in the background. 

“Yuuri! You can’t just go out the window!” Video Phichit says, while current Phichit laughs fondly at the memory. 

“I’m going out the fucking window.” Video Yuuri points a finger at the camera before contorting his body to fit through the small space, disappearing into the darkness outside except for one foot stuck straight up in the air. Video Phichit is nearly hysterical now, the video shaking as Yuuri yanks his foot out and completely disappears from view. Video Phichit approaches the window, showing Yuuri standing on the ground below before the video ends. 

Victor was in stitches, barely able to get out that he was ‘glad no one with a sweaty forehead put their hands on his Yuuri’ between his gasping breaths and Russian exclamations. “Thank you for never climbing out a window on me, Yuuri.” 

“I just might right now.” Current Yuuri has his head in his hands, cheeks burning as Victor and Yuri collapse into laughter, each of them demanding that Phichit airdrop them that video at once. 

“What other dirt do you have on Katsudon?” Yuri asked on their way to lunch. 

Phichit’s eyes gleamed.

"Phichit," Yuuri said seriously. "Do less." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guess what? this is also inspired by a true story and i limped around campus for about a week afterwards because my leg was so jacked up. this fic is quickly turning into me reliving my reckless college years through a yuri on ice lens. quarantine needs to end. 
> 
> autumn is my oc and hitomi is my friend's oc and they are hot messes so it seemed fitting to use them here instead of adding random girls. 
> 
> send me your drunk stories on twitter @winryrockbae, i might use them for inspo!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phichit tells a story about the night where he ran into a wall face fist and Yuuri made a regrettable decision to hit a gravity bong more than once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Covid's got me having FOMO of my own memories so this is how I'm coping.

“There was the time that freshman girl ran up to Yuuri on the quad and slapped him, then collapsed into sobs because he got her pregnant.” 

Victor choked on his drink, doubling over and slapping a hand over his chest while Yuuri rubbed a soothing circle on his back. “Phi, you can’t just say _that_ ,” Yuuri rolled his eyes. 

“But it happened!” 

“Yuuriiiii!” Victor sputtered while Yuri howled with laughter across the table. 

“You just nearly killed Victor.” Yuuri argued back, the palm that had been rubbing Victor’s back gave a few soft pats before he withdrew. “Turns out she had me confused with some other Asian kid and she wasn’t even pregnant, she apologized every time she saw me for the next year.” 

“And did you know that Yuuri has never paid a late fee or a parking ticket?” Phichit continued, pausing only to ask the waitress for to refill his beer. Yuuri’s face went bright red, any sort of confidence he might have accumulated in the space between comforting Victor and correcting Phichit’s omissive storytelling completely disappeared. 

“It’s because people could probably sense the anxiety coming off of me. I was about four seconds away from completely losing it at all times.” 

“No, it’s because you were the most oblivious heartbreaker on campus and everyone wanted a piece of that sweet, sweet Katsuki ass.” 

“That’s mine,” Victor interjected.

“Shut up,” Yuri slapped a hand down, the ice in their drinks quivering with the force of it. “Do not say another word, you gross old man.” 

The sly grin that tugged at Victor’s lips promised trouble as the Russian skating legend rested an elbow on the table and leaned forward with promise. Both Yuuri and Phichit sensed the storm that was brewing. The former roommates locked eyes with Yuuri’s saying _‘don’t you fucking dare….. Phichit no!’_ while Phichit’s devious expression was one that screamed _‘Phichit yes!’_. 

The situation was devolving fast, Yuuri felt himself stuck between a rock and a hard place. He could either distract them and regale them with a tale of something stupid that college Yuuri had done, something that kept him up at night stewing in his embarrassment or he could sit back and allow Victor to loudly spew out details of their increasingly adventurous sex life to Phichit and Yuri (who was still a minor, by the way!) in a very nice and very busy restaurant. He quickly started filtering through any stories he could recall, ones that would snag the interest of his lovely dining companions, two of whom were about to learn way too many intimate details about him if he didn’t intervene. 

“Gravity bong,” Yuuri blurted out. 

“Eh?” Victor’s brows furrowed. 

“There was a party and Autumn brought a gravity bong.” 

Phichit immediately jumped on board with the story telling. “She got it from that guy she was seeing at the time, right?” 

“Yeah, he made it out of a bucket and a two liter soda bottle. I’m pretty sure she threw it at his face at the end of the night. Did it break his nose?” 

“Yuuri, that was _you_ ,” Phichit laughed, slightly exasperated and with his nose in his phone, thumbs tapping away even as he looked up and fixed Yuuri with a knowing look. 

“What?!” 

Two things occurred to Yuuri at that moment:  
1\. Maybe he didn’t remember that night as well as he thought he did.  
2\. He had made a mistake. 

▲▽▲

**_Detroit, 2013_ **

“This stupid thing is like his pride and joy,” Autumn kicked at the bucket lightly. The water sloshed around inside while the empty soda bottle bobbed. “So I took it.” 

“You can’t just steal shit because you’re mad at someone,” Hitomi tried to reason from her perch on the kitchen counter. 

“I would like to formally side with Autumn on this one and state that you absolutely can steal from someone if they have pissed you off.” 

“With that logic I could steal your hamsters every time you eat the last of my snacks.” 

“Yuuri, no!” Phichit gasped, clutching his chest. 

“There’s a difference between getting caught stealing snacks and getting caught balls deep in-,” Autumn started, cut off by the banana that Hitomi lobbed at her head. “Stop throwing phallic things at me, I’m in mourning!” 

Yuuri, ever polite, picked up the tossed fruit and placed it back in the bowl. Hitomi thanked him before she barked out a laugh and Yuuri had to swallow a giggle. “Mourning?” 

“Yeah, mourning the loss of some of the best dick I ever got. Moment of silence please, people.” 

“If we could all just bow our heads,” Phichit spoke as if he was a priest leading a sermon. For the four of them pregaming, he might have well been. Yuuri, after waking up sharing a room with the two girls, had gotten more comfortable around them and the four of them often got together before they opened the doors of “Blue House” for parties. They were nice, though Autumn was sometimes a wildcard with her and Phichit feeding off each other until Yuuri had to step in and tell people that no, they were not going to organize an orgy on the quad everyone please tuck yourselves back into your jeans or the cops are going to show up and he doesn’t know how to explain this without someone being forced to register as a sex offender. Hitomi seemed to be a little more his speed, often controlling Autumn and Phichit as if she were scolding a dog with a rolled up newspaper. 

On occasion, Yuuri and Autumn’s party wavelengths would link up and those were the truly disastrous nights. The nights when Phichit’s phone’s photo storage was tested as he documented every shameful and stupid decision that his supposedly prude friend made with the intention to make Yuuri suffer by rewatching them all in order the next morning. In retrospect, it wasn’t a surprise that Yuuri and Autumn would traipse into chaos together, she was the one who dragged the group of them to their pole dancing class, and after the first month her and Yuuri were the only ones still participating in it. 

“Anyway!” Autumn clapped her hands together, causing the other three to jump. 

“Nothing good is going to come from this,” Hitomi murmured to Yuuri in Japanese. He huffed a laugh, which turned out to be his first, but not worst, mistake of the night. 

Autumn’s blue eyes zeroed in on him and she reached forward, slipping her fingers through his and tugging him towards the contraption. “Okay, Yuuri, you first. Hit it.” 

“Hit….it?” Yuuri cleared his throat and chanced a glance at Phichit, who was already recording. _Traitor_. 

“Maybe you should demonstrate.” The Thai offered with a Cheshire grin and a wave of the hand not holding his cell. “You know how innocent Yuuri is.” 

Yuuri’s cheeks flushed, every decision he’d ever made in his entire life had led him to this moment and he tried to filter through and find out what he might have done differently to avoid hitting whatever the fuck was laid out in front of him. 

“Yuuri, watch!” Autumn ordered, bottom lip protruding in a pout until he assured her that she had his undivided attention. Well, as undivided as possible considering his anxiety always demanded at least 20% of whatever attention was available. The redhead procured a lighter and lit the device, the bottle filling with smoke before she sucked it all in, held for a minute then started coughing. “Hit-hito-mi. Water.” She scrunched her nose and reached towards her roommate like Jack reaching for Rose, the gravity bong between them the door that wouldn’t hold them both. 

It only took a sip or two of water before she was breathing normally again, eyes already looking slightly glazed over (most likely from the tears her coughs drew from her). 

“I am not doing that,” Yuuri laughed, sure that after Autumn’s display the rest of them wouldn’t expect him to follow through. 

“You have to!” Autumn nearly wailed. “I can’t be the only high one!” 

“Phi-” 

“No, you know that when I smoke I get into trouble. Do you want to spend all day tomorrow pulling splinters out of my legs because I tried to climb a telephone pole in my underwear?” 

“No, not again.” Yuuri turned a helpless gaze on Hitomi.

“Someone here has to be somewhat sober, we have a ton of people coming over in….. 15 minutes,” Hitomi deflected.

Autumn’s lower lip trembled and Yuuri, always a sucker for tears, gave in. 

Hitting a gravity bong was not like smoking joint or a lighting up a little bowl, it was like getting punched in the lungs by a cloud of weed. A cloud of weed that wore brass knuckles and had a nasty temper. Almost immediately he felt his lungs constrict and then expand in a coughing fit, panic clawing it’s way up his chest as he struggled to breath. He threw a hand out and someone pressed a glass of water into it, he chugged half of it before he realized that Phichit had given him a vodka tonic. Yuuri braced himself for the panic attack that was sure to come, but instead he felt nothing but his own breathing, now even and deep as he stared at the rings on Autumn’s fingers. 

In the distance he could hear Phichit laughing and when he turned to look at his roommate, he felt as though his body was buffering. Everything was slower, but not uncomfortably so. Like waves slowly receding from the shore or dandelion seeds floating on the wind. It was nice, peaceful. Yuuri would be happy staying in this warm moment forever. He couldn’t even remember what he’d been worked up about only moments prior. 

“What? What are you laughing at?” His tongue stumbled over the words, each one feeling clunky and hard to spit out. He screwed up his eyes in concentration. “Nani?” 

“Oh no. Yuuri is blasted. He’s speaking Japanese,” Phichit commented, either to Hitomi or to the future audience of the video he was recording. 

“Denwa o kiru, Phichit!” Yuuri demanded, gaze narrowing. **(** _Turn the phone off, Phichit!_ **)**

“Er redet mit dir!” Autumn lurched forward from her seat on the ottoman to flop next to Yuuri on the couch. **(** _He’s talking to you!_ **)**

“What?” Phichit looked at Hitomi for help. 

“I don’t know. I don’t speak German. Yuuri wants you to to turn the phone off though.” She shrugged, attention averted as the front door opened and party goers spilled into the space. The house descended into chaos almost instantly, a few frat boys set up a beer pong table while some others wandered over and joined the two stoney bologna’s at the gravity bong. 

“She speaks German? She doesn’t have an accent.” 

“I speak Japanese, but I don’t have one either. Our parents were both first generation in the states so we grew up with two languages.” 

“Shhh. They’re communicating.” Phichit started another video, scampering closer to the couch to pick up the audio. 

“Korera subete no hitobito wa dokokarakitanodesu ka?” Yuuri’s brows scrunched together as he leaned towards Autumn. **(** _Where did all these people come from?_ **)**

“Der Typ gegenüber hat einen winzigen Schwanz.” Autumn replied, failing to stifle a giggle. Said guy looked at her and she pointedly turned her chin up and away, resting it on Yuuri’s shoulder. **(** _The guy across from you has a tiny dick._ **)**

“Phichit wa mada rokuon-chūdesu.” Yuuri mumbled, nose scrunching up cutely in the frame of Phichit’s video. **(** _Phichit is still recording._ **)**

“Ich will Pizza.” **(** _I want pizza._ **)**

“Pizza,” Yuuri echoed. 

“They’ll be like that for at least half an hour,” Hitomi appeared next to Phichit, resting a Mike’s Hard lemonade on his head. He snatched it out of her grip and took a sip, smacking his lips at the tartness. “I’m going to go grab them some snacks before Autumn starts to cry, make sure they don’t hit that gravity bong again.” 

“You think they would?” 

Hitomi leveled him with an exasperated look. “Obviously.” 

Phichit would swear up and down that he fully intended to babysit his too high to function friends, but when Brad (or was it Chad?) from the rugby team declared that he was leading an expedition into the fucking ceiling of the main admin hall where there was supposedly a room blocked off in the old attic because in the 1800s a girl threw herself down the bell tower, Phichit couldn’t **_not_ ** go. 

Autumn and Yuuri seemed content to chatter away at each other in their native tongues, not stopping to take a breath or realize that they had no clue what the other one was saying as the expedition group filed out through the garage and followed the can of PBR that Chad held over his head. 

The expedition itself was like a goddamn episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved, and the others seemed to be following the same train of thought as there were at least three references to the Goatman and his bridge. They found the room, but even the rugby players had trouble with the locked door, all of them having to scramble away when they heard a security guard approaching. 

The return walk to the party was not as fun as it found Phichit holding his lukewarm half of a Mike’s hard against his temple to sooth where he had smacked it against a low hanging beam no one thought to warn him about. On the sidewalk outside the house, the expedition group bumped into Hitomi, who was carrying a pizza with a bag of two gatorades looped around her fingers. 

“Phichit?” 

“I ran onto a wall.” 

“The wall ran into him.” Brad interjected, clapping Phichit on the shoulder while the rest of the guys howled in agreement. 

“Did you take the weed with you?” 

“N….o.” Phichit stuttered in the middle of his answer, that would have been the smart thing to do. The group of seven turned towards the house, the guys stumbling in with some making ghostly sound effects while Hitomi and Phichit seemed frozen in place. 

Then they said at the same time while darting towards the house, “Fuck!” 

It appeared that they were too late, a girl with ribbons in her hair and glasses that were definitely perched on her nose just for fashion purposes and not to actually see, was leading Yuuri outside with one of his hands in each of hers. He moved like he was a half zombie, blinking slowly and deliberately as if he had to think about each individual blink. His mouth moved slowly around what he was trying to say, as if he was tasting the words in his mouth before releasing them into the universe. 

“Doraiai.” **(** _Eyes dry._ **)**

“No, you have to ground yourself.” The girl was saying as Phichit and Hitomi drew closer, she bent and shucked off Yuuri’s shoes before tugging him into the grass. 

There was a pause, Phichit saw Yuuri’s toes wiggle once, twice, three times before the Japanese burst into sudden, heaving tears. 

“The grass feels like wormies on my toes,” Yuuri choked out over his ungodly heartbreaking sobs, spine arched as if he was going to curl in on himself. 

“No, no, no!” The girl pressed, using one hand to push his shoulders up and force him to stand straight. “Ground yourself! You shouldn’t have hit it again." 

“It feels like wormies.” Yuuri cried, big fat tears rolling down his cheeks to drip off his chin. 

“You shocked him back to English.” Phichit commented, coming up behind the girl. “I’ll take him over from here.” 

“Phi-Phichit.” Yuuri hiccuped. “Your face.” 

“Got in a fight with a wall.” 

“I’m standing in worms,” Yuuri’s voice dropped to a whisper.

“No you’re not, you’re just violently too high.” Hitomi opened the pizza box and shoved a slice into Yuuri’s hands and his unfocused gaze turned to the treat as if he’d just been bestowed with the nectar of the gods. “Eat that.” 

“Arigatō.” Yuuri followed, cheeks stuffed up as he took a huge bite of pizza. Distracted enough to allow Phichit to fumble around to get his socks and shoes on, legs pliant and unhelpful. Fake glasses girl disappeared off somewhere as Phichit dragged Yuuri back into the house after Hitomi.

“Where’s Autumn?” Hitomi demanded of the guy who was warily watching his beer pong competition. 

“Went upstairs. Ah, fuck!” He threw his hands up as the opposing team sunk their first shot. 

“Yuuri!” Phichit swiped at the back of Yuuri’s shirt and missed, watching as his friend stumbled back towards the smoking area of the living room. “Don’t do it! Not again!” He darted through the crowd, wondering how Yuuri had navigated it as though he was Moses parting the Red Sea. 

“You.” Yuuri was staring down Autumn’s ex, the one whose bong had been liberated for the party. “You cheated on Autumn.” 

“Okay, and?” The guy’s tone had Phichit curling his lips in disgust.

“You should take this back.” Yuuri, with all the strength of an athlete and a boy who spent his childhood lugging supplies around an onsen, lifted the gravity bong and tossed it over to the guy who was not prepared to have to catch it and ended up with a bucket of water to the face. The circle erupted in hoots and calls of ‘ooooooh’ ( much like when someone got called to the principal’s office in grade school) as the bong was dropped and a crooked and bloody nose was revealed in its place. 

“You deserved that,” Phichit said. Yuuri had already turned on his heel and started towards the stairs, most likely on the hunt for more pizza. 

Navigating through a party of intoxicated college students with a pizza box was difficult, but Hitomi smacked hands away like a pro and ended up upstairs first, kneeling next to Autumn. The redhead was sitting in the hallway, forehead on her knees and crying. Instantly Phichit feared the worse, catching Hitomi’s eye as he rushed over, even Yuuri in his haze stumbled a bit quicker and landed on the hardwood with a thud. 

“Autumn! What happened? Why are you crying?” Hitomi had her phone out, ready to call emergency services. 

“I hooked up with him and -he… he.” Autumn started, looking up with watery eyes. 

“He what?” Phichit pressed.

“His dick was so small.” 

“What?” 

“His dick was so small I couldn’t even feel it.” Autumn collapsed into tears once again and Hitomi breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Oh no.” Yuuri spoke up and pressed the crust of his pizza against Autumn’s trembling lips. 

She slowly opened and took a bite, nodding. “That’s yummy.” 

“You two are cut off.” Hitomi stated, straightening up and nudging the box of pizza towards them with her toe. 

“That’s bullshit.” Autumn whined, though she didn’t appear to have much fight left in her. 

“If it makes you feel better, Yuuri just broke your ex’s nose.” Phichit snapped a couple pictures of Autumn's reaction. 

“It does!” Autumn hummed in content. 

Yuuri was already asleep with his cheek resting on Autumn’s shoulder and a fresh piece of pizza clenched in his hand. 

▲▽▲

“We should really call those girls to get together soon. I miss them.” Phichit thumbed through his phone, pulling up the picture of Autumn and Yuuri slumped against each other in the hallway. 

“I’d like to meet them,” Victor spoke up.

“That was a fun night.” Phichit continued, showing off some more of the pictures. 

“I woke up with pizza sauce everywhere” Yuuri stated flatly. “And you had a black eye and were almost concussed.” 

“You broke a guy’s nose?” Yuri’s eyes gleamed with something, admiration maybe, as he tried to redirect the conversation to the piece of the story that he actually cared about. Yuuri shrugged, he had just learned that snippet of information moments ago. 

“The grass was wormies?” Victor’s brow furrowed. 

“Wormies. Like worms.” Phichit clarified. “I wish I got a video of that, but it was too dark and I was just trying to get his shoes back on so he’d stop crying.” 

“I’ve never been so glad for darkness.” 

“Autumn had us really worried for a second, but turns out she was totally fine. Just disappointed.”

“Rightfully so.” 

“Yuuri, I’m really enjoying learning all about you before I met you.” Victor mused, chin in his palm as he smiled softly at his fiancé. “You had quite the wild side. No wonder Celestino wasn’t surprised at Sochi.” 

“Don’t get all mushy now. Katsudon was just starting to be cool.” Yuri snapped. The teenager’s _almost_ compliment had Yuuri’s heart swelling a bit with pride. If someone had ever told him that Yuri Plisetsky would ever call him a variation of cool he’d have given them the number to his therapist with the suggestion that they give her a call. “So you just chucked the thing at his face? Just like that? No hesitation!” Apparently the teen wanted more details, which Yuuri was unfortunately unable to give. 

“I have no recollection of anything happening that night after Phichit handed me a vodka drink instead of water.” 

“Okay, truth time,” Phichit breathed. “I genuinely thought that was a glass of water at the time.” 

“You almost killed me.” 

“Almost being the key word here. And we learned something important.” 

“What was what?” Yuuri huffed, turning back to their appetizers. 

“You can only hit a gravity bong once.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I have been both Yuuri and Autumn, you would think I learned from my mistakes but no. I never did and I never will. If anyone has any suggestions for things they'd like to see, drop them in the comments or send me a message on twitter @winryrockbae :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Phichit spent some time in a cabin, Phichit also spent an hour alone in the woods.

“You know….” Yuuri started, cheeks pleasantly pink and lips curved upwards into what could only be described as a devious smirk. “I’m not the only one who did foolish things.” He ran the tip of his index finger along the rim of his second (or was it third?) glass of sangria as he exhaled a soft puff of air. “Phichit had way more embarrassing nights than I do.” 

Phichit scoffed. “Name two.” 

“I can name three,” Yuuri rested his chin in his palm, smirk widening like the cat that ate the canary. Payback tasted so, so sweet. 

“Please do.” Victor encouraged, holding his empty glass up for the waitress and making a hand motion he hoped she would be able to interpret as another round. He didn’t want to risk anything deterring Yuuri’s current train of thought, the retaliation for the stories that so easily fell from Phichit’s lips would no doubt be delightful. 

“One,” Yuuri ticked off his pointer finger, “when you insisted on the troll rule at that frat party but you were too drunk to land a single shot, so you were the troll.” 

Phichit frowned, lips parting in surprise. “I didn’t know you were sober enough to remember that night!” 

“I was the designated driver!” 

“Yeah but the last time you were the designated driver you forgot and drank two bottles of wine and we had to have creepy Mark drive us back to the apartment.” 

“What’s troll rule?” Yuri looked like he wished he had a pen and a notepad, he’d been eagerly hanging off the older boys’ words for the entire meal. 

“It’s a rule in beer pong.” Phichit waved a hand, nose scrunched in distaste while hoping that his vague description would fend off the teenager. 

“It was Phichit’s favorite rule in college,” Yuuri added, amusement heavy in his tone. “He insisted on it at every party and would strictly enforce it.” 

“What happens when you’re the troll?” Yuri and Victor spoke at the same time, both of their gazes sparkling with interest. 

“Nothing-,” Phichit was cut off by Yuuri. 

“The troll rule states that if a player doesn’t land a single shot in the entire game then they are the troll. Phichit got a little too full of himself one night and implemented this rule while he was so drunk he could barely stand up, and thus he became the troll,” Yuuri pressed his lips together tightly, trying to hold back his laughter. “When someone is the troll, they have to sit under the table for the entirety of the next game. He sat crouched under there for an hour.” 

Their table erupted in laughter, even Phichit finding amusement in the story. But his curiosity was piqued, most of the time if Phichit was drunk enough to cause a scene then Yuuri was either too busy trying to wrangle him to remember the details or Yuuri was in far worse condition. He wanted to know what other stories Yuuri had been dutifully keeping up his sleeve. 

“The second time was when you ordered ducks from a farming supply company and we had to keep them in the bathtub for a week and a half while you tried to find a farm for them to live on.” 

“That’s not even embarrassing! It’s impressive,” Phichit argued. 

Yuuri shrugged and finished off his sangria right as the waitress appeared with a pitcher to top off all their drinks. “Phichit, what about when you were on the porch?” 

“Yuuri, no.” 

“Yuuri, yes.” Yuri and Victor echoed. 

▲▽▲

**_Detroit, December 2013_ **

“You want us to spend winter break… in cabins?” Yuuri scrunched his nose, glasses riding up as he made a face. 

“Not just cabins, Yuuri. They’re really nice luxury ones. I guess Autumn’s dad’s company rented a whole bunch of them for himself and some business buddies but then their conference got moved to like…. Switzerland or something so he gave her the reservations.” Phichit balanced on the balls of his feet, eagerly pressing the info packet into Yuuri’s hand. Their winter break was coming up soon and neither of them had plans to go home, despite the ache in Yuuri’s belly that he’d long diagnosed as homesickness. “There’s some other international students going, mostly people that aren’t going home for the holidays. And Autumn’s older cousin.” Yuuri hesitated and Phichit hurriedly continued. “It’s only two people in a cabin though, so we wouldn’t be sharing with any strangers or the girls.” 

“Let me think about it, Peach.” Yuuri relented a bit, mentally going through his budget and training schedule. 

“There’s an ice rink up there and I already cleared it with Ciao Ciao.” 

“What about money for travel or for food. There’s no meal plan up there.” 

“Autumn’s dad already took care of it.” Phichit waved a hand. “They’re like, totally loaded. I looked them up.”

“I don’t know, I feel weird just eating all their food. Even if they are super rich.” 

“Autumn said that if we don’t eat it, it’ll just go to waste.” 

“About how many people are going? Like total?” 

“I think there’s like ten. Autumn said there were five cabins all in a cluster then there’s like a big club house and a spa and the ice rink and a pool that’s half indoors and half outdoors!” Phichit yanked the pamphlet back and opened it up before slamming it on Yuuri’s desk. 

“They do look nice,” Yuuri mused as he looked at the pictures. 

“So let’s go!” 

“Let me think about it, I have my last final this afternoon and then I’ll decide after.” 

Phichit groaned, though he relented and meadered to the couch, flopping over it dramatically while flicking on TLC. “It would be so fun,” he grumbled into the pillow. 

Yuuri felt his eyebrow twitch, with amusement or annoyance he couldn’t quite tell. “Fine, just tell the girls we’ll go. But you have to leave me alone so I can finish studying. Go take a nap or something.” 

“How can I nap when you’ve just given me the best news ever! I have to finish packing!” 

“Yeah, you go do that,” Yuuri started, before looking up with narrowed eyes, “what do you mean finish? You already started?” 

“Don’t you have a final to study for?” Phichit smirked from his doorway before closing the door with a satisfied click. 

▲▽▲

“Hitomi texted me back,” Phichit interrupted the story and showed the table the photo that the girl had sent. She was apparently volunteering at an animal shelter and had someone take a picture of her, a kitten in each hand pressed against her cheeks, face split into a smile. “She says hi to all of you and wants a picture back.” 

“Excuse me!” Victor raised a hand to catch the waitress’s attention and she scurried over quickly, clearly crushing on the silver haired man. Not that Yuuri could blame her, though he made sure to grab his fiance’s hand. “Can you take a photo of us all?” 

“Sure!” 

“It’s just a photo,” Yuri grumbled, bristling as Phichit threw an arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer. Victor and Yuuri’s fingers were laced together sweetly on the table as the camera clicked several times before the waitress handed the phone back to the Thai. 

“Thanks!” Phichit said brightly, fingers already tapping away. 

“Yuuuuri.” Victor whined, rolling Yuuri’s name around in his mouth with a twist in his expression. He wore a slight frown. “You didn’t want to go to a cabin with me but you went when you were in college?” 

“Vitya, listen,” Yuuri started, peering seriously at his fiance over his glasses while Phichit muffled a giggle into his hand. “This story is the first reason why I didn’t want to go to a cabin with you. The second was that you would be off the walls bored within ten minutes of arriving and I love you too much to go to jail for your murder.” 

“That’s…. oddly romantic,” Victor swooned. 

“Barf.” Yuri gagged.

“It’s sort of cute.” Phichit mused. He was obviously trying and failing to change the subject from the story his best friend had been in the midst of telling. “Hey, Yuuri, Hitomi says that your fiance is the prettiest man she’s ever seen and that includes Hot Tom.” 

“Tell her I know.” 

“So  _ anyway, _ what happened at the cabins?” Yuri prodded, trying to steer the conversation away from the lovesick idiots and back to the version of Yuuri that was actually cool. 

“Who’s Hot Tom?” Victor somehow looked both affronted and please. 

▲▽▲

**_Somewhere in East Bumfuck Michigan, December 2013_ **

“Wooooooow!” Phichit threw his arms out and spun around what would be their home for the next two weeks. Autumn had called the residences cabins, but they were bordering closer to mini mansions. Though the actual layout of each varied slightly, they were all equipped with a full kitchen, two full baths, a hot tub on the deck and a living room with a flat screen TV. The large bedroom on the second floor contained two plush queen sized beds and sliding doors out to a personal balcony that overlooked the mountains, which Hitomi mentioned that they would be able to shuttle to if they had the desire to ski. “This place is amazing!” 

Yuuri dropped his bags with a thump, stifling a yawn. He’d slept part of the trip, though it was an uneasy and uncomfortable car sleep. It was hard to really rest while Phichit and the girls were singing along to Nicki Minaj and Eminem to the best of their abilities (which admittedly weren’t very good, not that he would tell them that). He had given up on resting when Autumn’s elbow had caught him in the ribcage as she lunged into the front seat to demand Phichit’s phone for some reason or another, Hitomi screeching at them that she was driving and to put their seatbelts on. Having spent the night before cramming for his last final and the entire day previous stressing over said final, then the night before and the early morning packing for what was, to him, an impromptu trip had Yuuri begging for the sweet release of sleep. “I need a nap.” 

“How can you nap when we just got here?” 

“Because unlike you I’m not an endless well of chaotic energy.” Yuuri grumbled, snatching up his bag to stumble toward the bedroom, which he could assume was just as open and luxurious as the rest of the place. “Besides, it’s better to rest before everyone else gets here, right?” 

“That’s true.” Phichit had started rifling through the fridge before withdrawing a pink wine cooler and using the countertop to pop the top off. He pursed his lips in thought, one eye closed as if it would help him picture the faces he needed to put to names. “Autumn’s cousin Ethan and his friend Tom are coming today. Tomorrow afternoon Gregg, Sota and Jack are driving up in Gregg’s SUV with a couple girls. Julia, Gregg’s girlfriend, and those two ice dancers we skate with sometimes, Colette and Zavia.” 

“That’s… a lot of people.” Yuuri had paused on the stairs and he could already feel his social battery waning, the plushness of the bed upstairs him was calling out to him. 

“I’m going to go over to the girl’s cabin while you sleep, I’ll come wake you up in two hours.” Phichit was suddenly at the door, shoving his feet in his boots and tugging on a thick coat. Sometimes Yuuri envied him and his seemingly endless supply of energy. He often thought that if his low social battery was combined with Phichit’s overactive one, the two of them would make a normal human. 

“Yeah, sounds great.” Yuuri spoke over his shoulder as the front door closed. He barely glanced around his the bedroom before before collapsing onto his claimed bed, falling asleep almost instantly. 

If there was something that Yuuri could appreciate about his roommate, it was that he was always tactful when it came to awakening Yuuri- perhaps because the first time he’s surprised him he had gotten a fist to the face and had to sport a black eye for a week while listening to Yuuri profusely apologize every chance he got. 

“Yuuuuuuuuri.” Phichit’s voice sing-songed through the room, the older grumbled and shoved his face deeper into his pillows. “It’s been two and a half hours, it’s time to wake up. I made you a margaritaaaaaaa.” 

Honestly, nothing seemed less appetizing immediately after waking up than a bright green margarita but Yuuri knew deep down that Phichit would not relent so he took the glass with one hand. “What time is it?” 

“Just a little past four. Ethan and Tom have arrived and Yuuri, Ethan is super cute but Tom is so, so gorgeous. Autumn actually calls him Hot Tom to his face, I think I might try it too.” 

“I thought he was her cousin?” Yuuri grimaced. 

“No,  _ Ethan _ is her cousin, you freak. Wake up. Let’s go. Put on a cute sweater we’re going to go have snacks with them. Autumn is making jalapeno poppers. I think Hitomi is making taco dip, or buffalo dip? Maybe Ethan and Hot Tom were making something too?” 

“Are we supposed to bring something?” Yuuri sat up and patted around for his glasses, Phichit handed them to him. 

“We don’t have any ingredients in our kitchen, I already asked. They’re all cooking at Autumn and Hitomi’s place, they took the main cabin.” Phichit shrugged, and for the first time Yuuri noticed how sloppy his movements were. “They just said that they desire our company and to wake you up.” 

“How much have you had to drink?” 

“Eh.” Phichit shrugged, walking with purpose towards the door. “Come on, you have to come see Ethan and Hot Tom. Ethan is adorable but Tom might even be prettier than Victor.” 

“That’s totally impossible.” Yuuri argued but got up anyway, quickly fixing himself and pulling on a fresh sweater and a pair of jeans. Phichit was waiting by the door, a couple bags of chips tucked under one arm and a case of wine coolers under the other. 

“Let’s go!” 

▲▽▲

“Does anyone have a picture of Hot Tom?” Victor paid the bill for their lunch without even really looking at it, something Yuuri had been getting after him about lately. He was convinced that anyone could just add anything to it and he would pay it without question, it was dangerous. Victor just laughed. 

“You say anyone but you’re looking straight at Phichit.” Yuuri said flatly. “Why are you so concerned?” 

“I have to see the man my fiance refers to as hot!” 

“For your own sake don’t scroll.” Phichit turned his phone towards Victor, a picture of a smiling man in his early twenties draped between Phichit and a laughing redhead that could only be Autumn, who had the fingers of free hand wrapped around the bottom of Yuuri’s chin and was smushing his cheeks for the camera. 

Victor’s finger twitched as he considered flipping to the next picture and Yuuri shook his head. “Seriously, Vitya. You’ll see way more of Phichit than anyone here wants you to. Trust me, I’m the one who had to try to collect him later that night.” 

▲▽▲

“Oh no,” Autumn’s face fell in distress, one hand resting limply on the top of the blender. She’d just been about to make a fresh batch of margaritas when her phone went off. 

“What?” Ethan was the first by her side, concern for his younger cousin etched all over his features. 

“Julia and Gregg broke up.” 

“Who?” Tom had an arm slung sloppily over Phichit’s shoulder, the younger man looking immensely pleased with the development. 

“Our friends that were supposed to come up,” Hitomi supplied, shooing Autumn out of the way and taking over drink making while the redhead’s fingers flew over her touchscreen. “Gregg was supposed to be driving. Are they coming up without her?” 

“It seems like the entire group is taking sides,” Autumn updated them, though Ethan and Tom looked as though they could care less. Yuuri, who had two margaritas shoved into his hands the second he stepped over the threshold, rested his chin on Autumn’s shoulder and peered down at her phone. 

“Looks like Gregg cheated on Julia so she retaliated by-  _ oh my _ ,” Yuuri flushed. 

“Sleeping with Sota.” Autumn enthralled, lips parted with the tip of her tongue between her teeth in concentration. Clearly she was eager to get the details. “Sota and Jack are roommates, so Gregg is pissed at them both because he thinks Jack should have told him. Julia is mad at Collette because Collette was the one that mentioned to Gregg that she saw Julia at Sota’s apartment. Zavia is pissed because Collette did nothing wrong, and she’s got a thing for her.” The redhead filled in the blanks in everyone’s knowledge quickly, only to be drowned out by the blender as Hitomi started it with a flat look on her face. 

“Sounds like you guys got out of there just in time.” Ethan commented, thanking Hitomi for the drink and moving to check on the appetizers he had placed in the oven. 

“Like we’d be involved,” Phichit gasped in mock offense and Yuuri barked out a laugh, causing Autumn to jump in surprise. 

“Peach, you’d somehow end up in the middle of it documenting everything.” 

“Someday I’ll send a video to World Star.” 

“I’d like it in a show of support.” Tom said with a grin that Yuuri was sure would have buckled Phichit’s knees if his friend had been sober. 

“That’s so romantic.” Phichit swooned. 

“Looks like it’s just the six of us for now.” Autumn shrugged, tossing her phone onto the counter. “I told them they’re all still welcome but don’t bring any drama up here.” 

“What should we do?” Hitomi started to pour out margaritas, pink this time. 

“Keep drinking? I don’t know.” 

“To drinking!” Phichit raised his glass, the others around him echoed his words and clinked their drinks together. 

It was the beginning of the end. 

The next couple of hours found them shouting over drinking games, Yuuri having found that he had a secret talent for both flip and slap cup. Phichit and Hot Tom continued pawing at each other, at one point during beer pong Phichit sunk a shot perched up on Tom’s shoulders. Vaguely Yuuri wondered if it was a good idea to let Phichit and Tom suck face in the pantry on the first night here - things could end up being awkward for the rest of the trip, but his concerns were mitigated by Autumn waving a hand, assuring they were both big boys and they’d be fine before demanding that Yuuri help her get Hitmomi and Ethan to “smooooch each other it’ll be cute!” all wrapped around each other in one way or another, Hitomi and Ethan the first ones to sneak off to Ethan and Tom’s cabin. 

“Why,” Yuuri’s question was interrupted by a hiccup, “didn’t you get mistletoe? It’s the holidays.” 

Autumn turned to him then, lips parted as she slapped a hand against her forehead a shriek of despair escaping her. “That would have been brilliant! Verdammt!” 

“I have an idea!” Yuuri stumbled forward, blinking rapidly behind his glasses. He wasn’t sure when he got so drunk, but his limbs didn’t seem to want to cooperate. Somehow he made it to the fridge, Autumn trailing behind him while Ethan and Hitomi giggled in the other room and Phichit made Hot Tom pose for about a thousand selfies. Yuuri flung the door open, mustard and salad dressings rattling as he scanned the drawers before yanking out a head of lettuce and messily ripping off a couple leaves. “Tell them it’s mistletoe.” 

“It’s romaine.” 

“Shhhhhhhh!” Yuuri sloppily pressed a finger to her plush lips and she nipped at his fingertip, the two of them dissolving into laughter as a piece of string was procured from a drawer and several leaves of lettuce were tied above a doorway. “Tell them to come here.” 

“Hitomi! Ethan! Come here!” Autumn hesitated, searching for a reason. “Yuuri needs…. help! He… fell.” 

“Wha-?” Yuuri was cut off as Autumn shoved him to the floor, cheek bitten between her teeth to prevent more laughter. “Ooof. I fell!” 

“I’m too weak to pick him up!” 

“Oh no, I hope I don't fall!” Yuuri flopped onto his back like a dead fish with an arm tossed over his eyes dramatically. “Noooooo.” 

“He’s fallen!” 

The commotion that followed would later warm Yuuri’s heart when he thought about it, hungover in a plush bed and spooning a bottle of gatorade like it was his firstborn child. Not only did Hitomi and Ethan come running, but Phichit and Tom had pulled themselves apart and all four of them attempted to crash through the doorway in a panic, Phichit’s shouts much louder than the rest as he struggled to free himself from the four of them stuck in the door frame. It looked like something out of looney tunes. 

“Is he okay?” 

Yuuri sat up to relieve their worry, though a devious smirk curled across his lips and he raised a single hand to point at the lettuce hanging above their heads. 

The silence that fell was confused, but thank god for Hot Tom being as dumb as he was hot. 

“Is that mistletoe?” He squinted. 

“Yes,” Autumn boldly lied. 

“Yuuri, how could you?” Hitomi sounded scandalized, clear that she expected something like this from Autumn but for Yuuri to have gotten on board was more than she could handle. 

“I respect the game.” Phichit nodded, almost solemnly, before fisting his hands in the front of Tom’s shirt and dragging his lips to his own in a passionate kiss. It was so goddamn filthy that Yuuri felt a blush creeping up around his ears. 

“Now you.” Autumn had leveled her gaze at her best friend and cousin, waiting expectantly. “Yuuri didn’t fall for nothing.” 

“She pushed me.” He offered weakly, still on the ground. 

“That’s romai-” Ethan started only to be cut off by Autumn and Yuuri both shouting “It’s mistletoe!” at him. 

There was a thud from the hallway, one could only assume Phichit and Tom were slamming each other against the walls in some sort of show of feral arousal. 

Hitomi was the one to take initiative, meaning that she had wanted it all night but was too caught up in trying to be the mom of the group to go after it. She turned and pressed a chaste kiss to Ethan’s lips, Yuuri and Autumn cooing in delight that quickly turned to gasps as the kiss turned into something that made Phichit and Tom seem tame (and they were still busy redecorating the front hall if the noise was anything to go by). 

The next few minutes were utter chaos, Hitomi and Ethan the first to slip away to Ethan and Tom’s cabin, Phichit and Tom nearly falling out the door to Yuuri and Phichit’s not long after. 

“We did it.” Autumn sighed, flopping over the couch and kicking an empty beer can onto the floor. 

It was quiet but peaceful as Yuuri nodded, sinking onto the cushions. He and Autumn had their feet pressed together, backs on opposite ends of the couch. “What do you want to watch? It looks like you’ll be here a while,” Autumn poked the sole of Yuuri’s foot with her toe. 

“I was actually going to go to bed -  _ oh _ .” 

“ _ Oh _ .” Autumn echoed, amused smirk curling at her lips at his realization. “It’s fine, you can sleep here.” 

“Thanks.” 

They lapsed into comfortable silence, a single episode of The Office playing before Autumn stifled a yawn behind her hand. “Bedtime?” 

“Yeah.” Yuuri agreed, meandering after the redhead as she shut off all the lights and led the way upstairs. 

“You can have Hitomi’s bed, it’s the one furthest from the door.” 

“‘Kay.” Yuuri stripped down to his underwear before climbing into the bed. If he had been sober, he would have been a little apprehensive about stripping in front of Autumn, but she had her back turned to him and was shamelessly changing into a pink pajama set. 

“Use her phone charger too,” Autumn tossed it at him and he swung a hang up to catch it, only to miss and stare as the cord landed on top of the bed. He was most definitely not sober. “In case Phichit calls.” 

He made a noise of agreement, words starting to fail him as sleepiness took over. A glance at the clock let him know it was past two in the morning and he groaned, he just knew he was going to feel like absolute horse shit the next morning. They climbed into their own beds, Yuuri just about to fall asleep when Autumn’s voice floated through the dark. 

“Hey, Yuuri?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m glad you guys came.”

“Me too.” 

▲▽▲

“Phichit!” Victor was proud but scandalized, while Phichit beamed as Yuuri revealed his conquest. 

“That man was dumb as rocks but damn did he get my rocks off-” 

“Yurio is a minor!” Yuuri interrupted, his own cheeks far redder than the teens. 

Phichit scoffed, “He’s been on the internet.” 

The angry, “Stop calling me Yurio!” was ignored by all. 

“Yuuri, I’m really enjoying learning about this side of you.” Victor rested his spoon against his lips before his tongue darted out to lick some coffee ice cream from it. In a unanimous decision they’d all relented and decided that a small ice cream from a cute little parlour would be a nice treat. It was a special occasion after all. “I mean, I knew it was there after Sochi but-” 

“This is a story about Phichit.” Yuuri cleared his throat, gaze focused on his caramel swirl ice cream. “And how he got lost in the wilderness for an hour.” 

“What? I thought he was with Tom?” Yuri was still seething over the use of his hated nickname. “The two of you were fucking messes, I don’t know how you even survived this long.” 

“His name is Hot Tom.” Phichit waved his spoon. 

“I am not calling him  _ that _ .” 

“What is your vendetta against nicknames, Yurio?” Phichit teased and nearly got a cup of blackberry ice cream lobbed at his face. Yuuri had the good sense to grab Yuri’s wrist before any dairy products could become weapons. 

“It sounds like Autumn and Mila would get along well. Maybe we should invite her” Victor, in a rare show of tact, changed the subject and promptly dissolved into laughter at the pure horror that spread across Yuuri’s face. 

“St. Petersburg would be burnt to the ground within hours.” 

▲▽▲

Yuuri felt like he had barely drifted off when his phone started ringing and he threw out a hand to answer it. He let out a shriek similar to that of the Ringwraith of Middle Earth when the light hit his eyes. Autumn groaned in the next bed and rolled over, shushing him sleepily. 

“What?” Yuuri snapped into the device. 

“Yuuri, let me in,” Phichit was whispering into the phone. “I’m on your porch.” 

“What? Why are you out of bed?” 

“I was hot. I needed to go for a walk. Let me in. It’s cold out here. I forgot shoes.” 

“Peach! There’s snow on the ground!” 

“It’s okay. It’s just hard water.” 

“What?” 

“Snow is just hard water.” 

“Okay, Bill Nye. I’m coming down.” Yuuri lurched from the bed and somehow managed to get down the stairs without falling before he got to the front door and opened it to reveal absolutely nothing. There was no one there. “Where are you?” He hissed into the phone. 

“The porch!” Phichit screeched back. 

“I’m on the porch!” 

“So am I!” 

A gust of wind reminded Yuuri that he was in nothing but his underwear, trying to find his friend who was apparently barefoot on someone’s porch. 

“The door is locked.” 

“The door is open, I’m standing in it!” 

“I’m gonna unlock it.” 

“You have a key?” 

“No, I have a belt.” Phichit spoke as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. The sound of clothes rustling (at least he wasn’t naked) and then metal scraping against metal filled the phone. 

“Are you trying to unlock a door with your belt buckle? Where are you? Turn on your location. I'll come find you.” Yuuri paced the porch with one arm wrapped tightly around himself, shivering violently. 

“It’s working!” 

“What are you doing?” A muffled male voice stuttered through the line before there was the sound of the phone being wrestled away from Phichit. “Hello?” 

“Who is this?” 

“Tom. Who is this?” 

“Yuuri!” 

“Why did you let Phichit out in the snow?” 

“He was with you!” 

“He told me he was going to see you. He’s been gone for an hour!” 

“What!” Yuuri heard the door close and Phichit declared something about needing a blanket before he too retreated back inside to the warmth of Autumn and Hitomi’s cabin, the lock clicking shut behind him. “I haven’t seen him since you guys left.” 

“Phichit. Where did you go?” 

“To commune with nature.” 

“Okay, so let’s not do that again. He’s safe inside now, Yuuri.”

“Don’t let him out again, I’m going back to bed.” Yuuri grumbled and hung up the phone, vaguely he knew tomorrow he would apologize until he was blue in the face to Tom for his rudeness, but would also ream him a new one for allowing a drunk Phichit outside unsupervised. 

His steps back to the bedroom were sluggish as he climbed onto the bed, only to hear a startled squeak as he rolled over and tossed his arm out over something (someone) warm. 

“I’sit mornin’?” Autumn sat up and slurred, hair stuck to her lips and eyes half closed, though she had a grip on the blanket as if she was ready to throw them off and launch out of bed. 

“No, I just got in the wrong bed,” Yuuri clumsily found her shoulder, thin and warm with her spaghetti strap askew, and pushed her back into the mattress. “Sorry.” 

She jumped in surprise, suddenly more awake. “You’re freezing!” In a true testament to her sweetness, the girl wrapped herself around him and held onto him like a koala. The warm of her bare skin on his made him realize how cold he was, he’d been shivering without even realizing it. 

_ On the porch, his ass.  _

▲▽▲

“Yuuri, you slept with someone else?” Victor’s lower lip protruded in a pout, while Yuuri’s mind instantly went into overdrive. 

“N-no!” He waved his hands in defense, only to lower them when Victor sputtered out a laugh. Oh, so he was upset he never got the gossip on it, not that it happened. Yuuri shrugged and cleared his throat, gaze averted to the side suspiciously. “Nothing happened  _ that _ night.”

“They were found pawing all over each other  **on my bed** a few nights later,” Phichit offered, the delicate tip of his index finger pressed on his straw while moving it in lazy circles in the fresh drink Victor had whipped up upon entrance to their apartment. 

“Yuuri!” 

“A girl?!”

Victor’s eyes lit up, lips parted as he surged forward to grip at his lover’s hands. He had thought that Yuuri was inexperienced in any sort of sexual realm, but it turns out he did have a dirty little secret or two. How fun! 

“N-no. We- uh, we didn’t,” Yuuri struggled to find the right words, soft cheeks going from horribly pale, to pink to bright red. He looked to Phichit for help, but his friend was pointedly looking away with his lips curled into a wicked little smirk, clearly interested in whatever vocabulary Yuuri would end up blurting out. “I didn’t…” he trailed off. 

“Fuck?” Yuri offered, causing Victor to click his tongue against his teeth by means of scolding. 

Yuuri looked to Phichit helplessly. This was what he deserved for bringing up Phichit’s communing with nature stunt, though the younger did wish he remembered that missing hour. He’s sure he got up to some interesting stuff. 

“Ehhhh,” Phichit held his hand flat, palm down, and wavered it slightly. “Define fuck.” 

“Do not.” Victor held up a finger to Yuri, effectively nipping whatever colorful explanation or string of expletives had been about to burst out of his mouth. 

“You got to third base, Yuuri.” Phichit finally offered helpfully. 

“Yuri is a minor!” Yuuri cried for what had to be the twentieth time since Phichit’s arrival. 

“I know what the bases are, Katsudon!” 

“I don’t know what that means,” Victor whined, looking like a lost puppy as he looked between his fiance and his fiance’s former roommate. 

“I didn’t p-penetrate?”

Phichit nearly inhaled his entire drink, his eyes going with before his laughter boomed through the small dining space. Yuuri was sure that he was tomato red up to his ears, he wanted to disappear into a hole and live in the earth with the mole people under Vegas for the rest of his life. 

“Not even?” Victor held up two fingers suggestively.

If it was possible to pass away from embarrassment, Yuuri was sure his spirit would have ascended by now. 

“If he doesn’t want to answer, I can always call Autumn… she’s usually awake at weird hours.” 

“No,” the demand came out strangled, panicked. As sweet as the girl was, she was shameless and the things she’d told Hitomi (and Phichit) had Yuuri nearly running a fever. She was complimentary, but far, far more open than Yuuri could ever hope to be. 

“I did,” Yuuri thrust his fingers up twice, hiding his eyes with his free hand, “with my fingers.” 

“I can’t believe you never told me,” Victor didn’t sound upset, more so surprised. 

“To be fair, he never told me either. Autumn regaled Hitomi and myself with the tale the next morning over coffee with intimate details. Yuuri was sleeping in. He slept until past noon the next day, the rest of the group arrived while he was still dead to the world. It wasn’t as much fun after that, they were all still at odds over the breakup and Gregg was a monster to be around. So every night except one we all stayed in our own beds and didn’t get lost in the woods anymore.” Phichit seemed to take pity on Yuuri, stepping in to take over so that Yuuri could peacefully pass away from his humiliation. “Drunk Phichit is interesting but Drunk Yuuri is my favorite guy to talk about.” 

“Phichit!” Victor slung an arm over the Thai’s shoulders in a display that would be heartwarming to Yuuri at literally any other time. “We should have had you over sooner. “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter really got away from me and ended up super long because halfway through I decided to change where I was going and then I sort of just started winging it and I was too far along to delete and start over so where are here. I didn't base it off any story of mine except a friend pulling a Phichit and disappearing while trying to break into her house with her belt buckle and being let in by a very angry roommate at 3 in the morning. 
> 
> If anyone has any ideas or suggestions, comment or send me a DM on twitter @winryrockbae.

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually a true story that happened to me when I was 21 on my way to my friend's out of state wedding but instead of calling my fun roommate I had to call my mom and she yelled at me and told me she was gonna send me to AA when I got home. 
> 
> (She never sent me)
> 
> Follow me on twitter @winryrockbae, if you have any requests for this story shoot me a DM! I'm taking all sorts of stories/experiences as inspiration.


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